Dear Nokia Wankers

Ever since you released that advert with the Blind Photographer I have been meaning to write to you. Now, don't get me wrong, I am all for equal rights (there is no ‘Bearhead’ option on equal opportunities forms btw) but surely taking a picture when you cannot see it is pointless. It’s like pouring yourself a glass of wine and then throwing it down yourself. 

So, in this advert, the ‘photographer’ says he can tell the shot of the rollercoaster is right because he can hear the noise, presumably he was stoody UNDERNEATH the rollercoaster, so irrespective of where he was pointing his goddamn camera he’d be able to hear the noise right? Also, who checks them for him, because you could argue (and you would be right) that the person checking the photographs is the one with the eye (no pun intended). 

I could happily stomp around with my eyes closed randomly pointing my phone at things and then someone else could check them and delete all the ones that were of my foot or a wall – THIS IS NOT BEING A PHOTOGRAPHER. Also, it reminds me of being drunk (a bit like being blind) and then editing (deleting) the god-awful photographs I have taken the next day.

Wow, what an excellent picture of the inside of your car.

My bearhead friend said that he has a similar problem with deaf rappers, which I kind of understand, but if you can talk then you can rap, so the problem does not entirely lie with being deaf, the problem with being blind is that you can NEVER EVER SEE. Seriously – A BLIND PHOTOGRAPHER!??! What. The. Fuck.

Did you know the shot was right because you could hear the traffic? SCREW YOU BLIND PHOTOGRAPHER!

Nokia – please sort this out, cos it’s just fucking stupid. Also, please do not take deaf rapping idea as inspiration.

Kind Regards,

Dr Bearhead

Ps. If you would like me to get hammered and take photographs with my eyes closed in your next advert I would be delighted (cost: £10,000 + expenses)


Pps. Please can I have a signed photograph by the blind photographer.