Friday 1 April 2011

Dear people who schedule TV

I was watching that TV series ‘The News’ the other day and I just wasn't following, so I have a few questions please.

You know the character ‘Gaddafi’, well I just don’t think he’s that believable, I mean what is he wearing for a start? And also if you ran a country you would be called something higher than Colonel right? Like King maybe? King Colonel Gaddafi. That sounds better. If I took over the world I wouldn’t be called Prince Bearhead would I?! KING BEARHEAD!

The other characters who confuse me are David Cameron and Nick Clegg, I mean, they don’t even seem like they are real friends. And why do they dress the same? And why does Nick Clegg always look like he wants to top himself? Are they played by Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse? And was Gordon Brown killed off? I missed that one.

Another thing is this Middle East place – firstly that’s a weird name, is it meant to be like middle earth? Anyway, it just sounds awful! Why do people keep going there! And why does no one seem to be in control? I just cannot see where this storyline is going to be honest. It’s bonkers. You should send some more well known people there to jazz it up, maybe some wrestlers, like Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock – they are making a comeback! I think some guest appearances for a WWE ‘Middle East’ tour would go down a storm.

Finally, I find the love interest a bit dull. Where is the drama with Prince William and Kate? I hope you’re planning something awful for the wedding day, maybe Harry will ruin it or her ex will turn up and she’ll run off at the last minute, or that mental old person that appears sometimes (is he care in the community?) will say something racist. Also is Chelsy Davy a hooker? I can never tell.

I look forward to you clearing these matters up.

Kind Regards,

Dr Bearhead

Ps. If you would like me to write a regular review for ‘TV Quick’ magazine I will require £100 per word.

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