Firstly I’d just like to say I really enjoyed the wedding. Any excuse to start drinking at 11am without being outcast by your peers works for me. And to be honest I was still drunk when I woke up so it worked out for the best.
I particularly liked the bit where Harry and Will were stood at front and Harry was telling Will that he’d definitely give Kate one. She did look good though, just not as good as Pippa... but I don’t suppose being attractive has much to do with being Queen (no offence).
I heard that your favourite activity when you go to Balmoral is to catch bats in a net – is that true? I really like bats, I wouldn’t mind doing some bat catching myself. I also heard that when you get mad you put lipstick on, I heard this from someone who drank from your wine glass by accident whilst sitting next to you, then you put your lipstick on. The next day he read it in the daily mail so it must be true. To be honest, I think that’s very restrained, I would have punched him.
If I was in the royal family and getting married I would have a sceptre and a crown, or maybe just a sceptre. With loads of diamonds in it. I might get one of those anyway. It would look awesome, and I could hit people with it who were in my way. I bet you do that.
So, you know these injunctions in the press, have the royal family ever had one? Because, with the shit that you do that IS in the papers, I cannot even begin to comprehend what might be deemed TOO AWFUL to be left out. I think I would have got the cheque book out when Harry dressed as a Nazi. Although that was pretty funny.
Anyway, I hope you are keeping well.
Kind Regards,
Dr Bearhead
Ps. Please give me a call if you need someone to hunt bats with.
Pps. Also please post me a sceptre.
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